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eric lavine View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote eric lavine Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: wifes
    Posted: February-18-2010 at 11:16pm
honey whats on the tv?, dust

honey,i need someting that does 0 to 150 in 3 seconds, get a scale

Joe and mindy went to walmarts, Joe threw a 12 packer in the cart, Mindy asked, what are you doing we are on a budget, and Joe reluctantly put the 12 pack back. they both headed to the cosmetic department and mindy added to the cart some new lipstick, eye liner, powder totaling $22.00. Joe upset asked i thought we were on a budget? we are but dont you want me to look pretty for you? joe's answer, thats what the 12 pack was for
"the things you own will start to own you"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote hasbeenskier Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-18-2010 at 11:46pm
I might think it...but it would never cross my lips.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote The Lake Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-19-2010 at 12:42am
Eric, always knew you were a charmer.

Chuck
Walk on Water
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote OverMyHead Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-19-2010 at 2:48am
THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU MARRY A Minnesota GIRL
The first cousin married a woman from Massachusetts . He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second cousin married a woman from Florida . He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Minnesota . He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.


He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.
For thousands of years men have felt the irresistible urge to go to sea, and many of them died. Things got better after they invented boats.
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Kristof View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kristof Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-19-2010 at 10:20am


Q: Why don't women fart...?
A: They don't shut up long enough to obtain the required pressure...
- Gun control means: using BOTH hands!
- Money doesn't make one happy, but when it rains cats and dogs, it's still better to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle...

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PAPA Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-19-2010 at 10:51am
and my wife wonders why I read this board
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tullfooter View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tullfooter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-19-2010 at 11:00am
Why was Helen Keller a bad driver?






Because she was a woman!
Play hard, life's not a trial run.
'85 BFN
'90 BFN



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MI-nick View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MI-nick Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-19-2010 at 12:15pm
how do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower?? get your wife a shovel...
As far as I can tell, I'm not quite sure...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MI-nick Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-19-2010 at 12:17pm
also, I used to have this posted on my refrigerater...until she took it down...from a 50's era housekeeping magazine...
As far as I can tell, I'm not quite sure...
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8122pbrainard View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 8122pbrainard Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-19-2010 at 12:40pm
Don't forget the great memory they seem to have. During moments of disagreements, they always seem to bring up something you did like 25 years ago. Then, I can't even remember the incident!!!


54 Atom


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64 X55 Dunphy

Keep it original, Pete
<
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Waldo View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Waldo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-19-2010 at 12:55pm
Right when I saw wifes not starting with a capital letter. I knew Lavine posted it.

Waldo
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hollywood Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-19-2010 at 1:50pm
and with the f
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Waldo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-19-2010 at 2:27pm
His spell check button melted years ago.

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tullfooter View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tullfooter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-19-2010 at 2:39pm
After you read that, you can understand why they call them "the good old days!".
I like the part where it says "his topics of conversation are more important than yours". I especially like where it says "don't complain... even if he stays out all night.
I would be content if my wife followed the rule, "Be happy to see him"
Man, am I glad my wife doesn't peruse this site.
Play hard, life's not a trial run.
'85 BFN
'90 BFN



White Lake, Michigan

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Kristof View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kristof Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-19-2010 at 4:52pm
Originally posted by tullfooter tullfooter wrote:

Man, am I glad my wife doesn't peruse this site.

Right back at ya Tull... Especially since Chantal's humor is kinda sensitive to women and wife jokes...
- Gun control means: using BOTH hands!
- Money doesn't make one happy, but when it rains cats and dogs, it's still better to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle...

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 502Python Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-19-2010 at 5:01pm
"Men are not fat. Only fat women are fat." Peter Griffen, circa 2007
1999 Sport Nautique-Python Powered

1999 Ski Nautique-Python Powered
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Randy_in_Ohio Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-19-2010 at 8:23pm

What dessert makes a woman's a** the biggest?




      Wedding cake!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 86BFN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-19-2010 at 9:12pm
Originally posted by Randy_in_Ohio Randy_in_Ohio wrote:


      Wedding cake!


Thats the main food that kills their sex drive!    
-Steve the Pirate
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peter1234 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote peter1234 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-19-2010 at 10:43pm
oh my god thank you all lol
former skylark owner now a formula but I cant let this place go
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eric lavine View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote eric lavine Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-19-2010 at 10:46pm
im getting the silent treatment tonight for some reason
"the things you own will start to own you"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Riley Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-19-2010 at 11:20pm

Some how this got flipped around 180 degrees.

Originally posted by MI-nick MI-nick wrote:

also, I used to have this posted on my refrigerater...until she took it down...from a 50's era housekeeping magazine...

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eric lavine View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote eric lavine Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-21-2010 at 12:01pm
sorry girls, Wives, havnt learned how to use spell check, no crutches here
"the things you own will start to own you"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DeepCreekNauti Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-21-2010 at 10:09pm
My Grandfather gave me marital advice on my wedding day. He offered 2 pearls of wisdom for marriage that his father gave him.

1.) You can be right or you could be happy - which is more important.
2.) Happy wife equals happy life.

I must admit it took me a few years to figure out number 1. Number 2 came around after I figured out number 1.

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eric lavine View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote eric lavine Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-22-2010 at 9:51am
a man could get hurt with that list posted on the fridge, especially when you circle the last one
"the things you own will start to own you"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 86BFN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-24-2010 at 1:41pm
Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing and drinking beer when suddenly
Bubba says, 'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She ain't spoke to me in over 2 months.'
Earl spits, sips his beer and says, 'Better think it over - women like that are hard to find.'
-Steve the Pirate
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 75 stang Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-24-2010 at 1:52pm
Missing Maine Wife...

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident off the coast ofMaine ,a man answered his door to find two grim-faced State Troopers.

"We know it's late, sir, but we have some information about your wife," saidone of the Troopers.

"Tell me! Did you find her!?" the husband shouted.

The Troopers looked at each other.

One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great

news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, the husband said "Give me the bad news first."

The second Trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning wefound your wife's body in the bay."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed the husband. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"

The Trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 6 twenty-five pound snow crabs and 12 good-size lobsters clinging to her."

Stunned, the husband demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news???"

The Trooper answered, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow".





Take your work seriously, not yourself.
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eric lavine View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote eric lavine Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February-24-2010 at 4:41pm
speaking of dumping bodies, the guy admitted to dumping Natalie Hallaways body in a swamp over there in Aruba, never did like the look of that guy, first impressions always hold true
"the things you own will start to own you"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote pwningjr Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March-07-2010 at 2:40am
One of my buddies has a shirt that says "Missing wife and tractor, reward for tractor." (It's a little odd considering we're Juniors in HS, but still funny I think)
Jay
"Proud to be a geek"
Big Heavy (stephan): One can't always be perfect when water dancing on your shred stick.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BuffaloBFN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March-07-2010 at 9:54am
Two simple words that can save a man miles of grief..."yes dear".

Seriously, I think women are wonderful creatures; too bad they won't let us use the cages anymore!

And shouldn't those 'universal' remotes work on...   

Curly had a great line in one of their old movies: "are you married or happy?".
1988 BFN-sold



"It's a Livin' Thing...What a Terrible Thing to Lose" ELO
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Morfoot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March-08-2010 at 8:32am
Women - They don't belch, they don'fart, and they don't snore, therefore; they must bitch or else they might blow up!
"Morfoot; He can ski. He can wakeboard.He can cook chicken.He can create his own self-named beverage, & can also apparently fly. A man of many talents."72 Mustang "Kermit",88 SN Miss Scarlett, 99 SN "Sherman"
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