HURRICANE AWARENESS

To: All former Gulf Coasters, current Gulf Coasters, future Gulf Coasters, and/or anyone who knows a Gulf Coaster.

We're in the peak of the hurricane season. Any moment now, you're going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar blob out in the Gulf of Mexico and making two basic meteorological points:
(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.

Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be on the Gulf Coast. If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one." Based on our experiences, we recommend you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:
STEP 1. Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for several days.
STEP 2. Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3. Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Thanksgiving.

Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in the Gulf Coast. So we'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:
HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE. If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements:
(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Nebraska.
Unfortunately, if your home is located in the Gulf Coast, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place.
So you'll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. And, at any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss.

SHUTTERS: Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the doors, and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets.
There are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages.
(1) Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they're cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall off.
(2) Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.
(3) Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is you will have to sell your house to pay for them.

HURRICANE PROOFING Your Property: As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc. You should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles.

EVACUATION ROUTE: If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver's license -- if it in Louisiana, you live in a low-lying area.) The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with hundreds of thousands other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.

HURRICANE SUPPLIES: If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. But don't buy them now! Gulf Coast tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, and only then do you go to the supermarket so you can join in vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of Spam.
In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:
(1) 23 flashlights.
(2) At least $167 worth of batteries (which will turn out, when the power goes out, to be the wrong size for the flashlights).
(3) Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the bleach is for. But it's traditional, so GET some!)
(4) A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant.
(5) A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.)
(6) A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be cranky alligators.)
(7) $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.

Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers standing right next to the ocean who will tell you, over and over, how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.

Good luck and remember: its great living in paradise!

Doc, that was some great reading with my morning coffee!
Good to know you're not only a boat doctor, but also a huricane doctor... And, I bet you have lots of hidden qualities also

Or........move to Ohio

Great list of precautions, Doc.
I lived in the orange orchards outside of Tampa, in a place called Thonotosassa,for many years. We would ski on Lake Thonotosassa and many other local lakes from March through November, took off three months of the year most years and either dodged or survived many Hurricanes. We even had a couple of deep freezes which killed off all our gardens, oh well...the costs of living in paradise. Due to a job offer I couldn't refuse, we moved to New Jersey in the late eighties. We live on a river and ski from April through November. (a couple months in varied wet/dry suits) We only lost one month a year of skiing and we get to plow snow, chop ice around the docks and we even had the eye of Hanna pass directly over us last weekend!! We even have a real reason to own tall four wheel drive vehicles too. Paradise re-located. Gun laws suck though.

boat dr wrote: -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets.

most people don't know this feature. We experienced it in '01.

Can't believe you're still up at 1:15 Chuck. Was just checking in here before I hit the sack. We go to Ohio tomorrow. When do you leave? If I don't get to talk to you..have a safe adventure! I know you're gonna wow 'em...long as they can understand you!

john

And the Doc thinks Wisconsin lake temps suck hahahaha....... Hang on Doc, only 20 plus storms predicted this year...

Moj'

behindpropeller wrote: eric lavine wrote: Or........move to Ohio I guess you ate your words after this weekend!! No power here yet!

Hope those words were tasty!

Me and Patti were in Ohio this past weekend for the W.S.W.S.C. 50th reunion. Rained for 3 solid days then the winds started on Sunday. Lover seeing our friends but sure was glad to get on the plane at Akron/Canton airport.

Sorry we could not swing by eric...really wanted to meet ya in person but my brunstucky passport had expired.

john

MarineTech wrote: Great list of precautions, Doc. I lived in the orange orchards outside of Tampa, in a place called Thonotosassa,for many years. We would ski on Lake Thonotosassa and many other local lakes from March through November, took off three months of the year most years and either dodged or survived many Hurricanes. We even had a couple of deep freezes which killed off all our gardens, oh well...the costs of living in paradise. Due to a job offer I couldn't refuse, we moved to New Jersey in the late eighties. We live on a river and ski from April through November. (a couple months in varied wet/dry suits) We only lost one month a year of skiing and we get to plow snow, chop ice around the docks and we even had the eye of Hanna pass directly over us last weekend!! We even have a real reason to own tall four wheel drive vehicles too. Paradise re-located. Gun laws suck though.

GTFO I used to live at 12101 us hwy 301.
Went to Greco, years before the hot chick was nailin students.