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Libs vs Cons

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KennyA View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote KennyA Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Libs vs Cons
    Posted: August-07-2008 at 10:53am
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.



The two most important events in all of history were:
1. The invention of beer, and
2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer, and the beer to the man.



These facts formed the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
        1. Liberals
        2. Conservatives.



Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.



Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to barbeque at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.



Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.



Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.



Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, the evolution of the Hollywood actor, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide all the meat and beer that conservatives provided.



Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the ***************.



Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.



Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.



Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.



        Here ends today's lesson in world history.......
It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.



A conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers, and to more liberals...just to yank their chain.



        Have a great day!


Kenny <>{
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Waterdog View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Waterdog Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August-07-2008 at 2:51pm
And that's the truth !
- waterdog -

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Kristof View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kristof Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August-07-2008 at 8:55pm
ROFLOL Kenny...!!!!

Originally posted by KennyA KennyA wrote:

Europeans are more enlightened than Americans.

And that's a fact LOL
- Gun control means: using BOTH hands!
- Money doesn't make one happy, but when it rains cats and dogs, it's still better to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle...

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KennyA View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote KennyA Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August-08-2008 at 9:33am
Thought I would get many more comments out of this than I have...go figure.

Kristof-I like your idea of "Gun Control," except for when you are shooting paper targets with little black circles on them. When one is doing that, gun control means using ONE hand! Otherwise, BOTH hands it is!!
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MarineTech View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MarineTech Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August-11-2008 at 12:07am
The libs are gathering as we speak to form a committee to have this assault post banned.
Why can't we all just get along?
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       Luchog wrote:   "Anyway, you're full of s79t"



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Aemmer View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Aemmer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August-11-2008 at 5:49am
Actually, I think I am the only liberal that frequents CCF so I'm having a hard time forming a committee.

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azeus17 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote azeus17 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August-11-2008 at 10:40am
I thought the Libs would just take a 5 week vacation to really think over their solution to this post...
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