Friday funnies

Top-notch, best jokes you'll ever read. Or not...


A man goes into a supermarket and buys a six-pack, a bag of potato chips, and a frozen pizza. The girl at the register smiles at him and says, "Single, huh?"
Sarcastically the guy says, "Yeah. How'd you guess, genius?"
Without missing a beat she says, "Because you're f*%#@ing ugly."
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Two Irishmen walk out of a bar. Ha!
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What's brown and sticky?

A stick!
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What do you call an Amish man with his hand up a horses ass?
A mechanic
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A Texan was stopped by a game warden in East Texas recently
with two ice chests full of live fish in water, leaving a river
well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you
have a license to catch those fish?"
"Naw, my friend, I ain't got no license. These here are my pet
fish."
"Pet fish?"
"Yep. Every night I take these fish down to the river and let 'em
swim' round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump right back
into this ice chest and I take 'em home."
"That's a bunch of BS! Fish can't do that!"
The Texan looked at the game warden for a moment and then said,
"It's the truth. I'll show you. It really works."
"Okay, I've GOT to see this!"
The Texan poured the fish into the river and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said,
"Well?"
"Well, what?" said the Texan.
"When are you going to call them back?"
"Call who back?"
"The FISH!"
"What fish?"