Foot’s New Tool Descriptions
Printed From: CorrectCraftFan.com
Category: General Correct Craft Discussion
Forum Name: Off Topic
Forum Discription: Anything non-Correct Craft
URL: http://www.CorrectCraftFan.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=13681
Printed Date: January-07-2025 at 4:51pm
Topic: Foot’s New Tool Descriptions
Posted By: Morfoot
Subject: Foot’s New Tool Descriptions
Date Posted: May-15-2009 at 3:52pm
As there are alot of us who work with tools on a daily basis be it work or our hobbies I feel that the following definitions apply to ALL of us. ENJOY! 
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted part which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, ''What the...??'' ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters. BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a boat trailer to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes,or hubs trapping the jack handle firmly under the fender or frame. EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4: Used for levering a boat trailer upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use. BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. MECHANIC''S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while wearing them. DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling ''DAMMIT'' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need. ------------- "Morfoot; He can ski. He can wakeboard.He can cook chicken.He can create his own self-named beverage, & can also apparently fly. A man of many talents."72 Mustang "Kermit",88 SN Miss Scarlett, 99 SN "Sherman" |
Replies:
Posted By: azeus17
Date Posted: May-15-2009 at 4:10pm
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Wouldn't be as funny if it weren't true! ------------- Boats: Current: 02 SANTE Sold: 89 Sport Nautique |
Posted By: BuffaloBFN
Date Posted: May-15-2009 at 4:23pm
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I like 'band saw' and '2 ton engine hoist'! ------------- http://correctcraftfan.com/diaries/details.asp?ID=2331&sort=&pagenum=12&yrstart=1986&yrend=1990" rel="nofollow - 1988 BFN-sold "It's a Livin' Thing...What a Terrible Thing to Lose" ELO |
Posted By: Hooty222
Date Posted: May-15-2009 at 9:24pm
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REALLY GREAT, Needed that.... ------------- 1986 Ski nautique 351 1988 Barefoot nautique 454 |
Posted By: critter
Date Posted: May-15-2009 at 11:29pm
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I have noticed that I am running out of Dammit Tools. I may want to go pick some of the used ones up for reuse. ------------- 1980 Ski Nautique 1966 Barracuda |
Posted By: nautiless
Date Posted: May-16-2009 at 5:18am
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Excellent! I'd like to add if i may:
BELT SANDER: .....has a voracious appetite and eats it's own tail. ------------- 1982 SN 2001 RIP (Resto in Progress) http://www.correctcraftfan.com/diaries/details.asp?ID=4400 - Don's Diary |
Posted By: boat dr
Date Posted: May-16-2009 at 4:20pm
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Tim, that is toooo true
See you and yours Sat. am at Calloway/Masters ------------- boat dr /diaries/details.asp?ID=4631 - 1949 Dart /diaries/details.asp?ID=1533 - 1964 American Skier |
Posted By: jbear
Date Posted: May-19-2009 at 12:30am
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foot; laughing so hard I got tears...
'course I don't know what the real use for most of those tools is anyhow... Don't forget the Masters pics...make sure Kim is in some of them. john ------------- "Loud pipes save lives" AdamT sez "I'm Canadian and a beaver lover myself"... |