today’s history lesson
Printed From: CorrectCraftFan.com
Category: General Correct Craft Discussion
Forum Name: Off Topic
Forum Discription: Anything non-Correct Craft
URL: http://www.CorrectCraftFan.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=9245
Printed Date: December-25-2024 at 9:00pm
Topic: today’s history lesson
Posted By: 87BFN owner
Subject: today’s history lesson
Date Posted: December-20-2007 at 9:33pm
|
History
For those that don't know about history...... here is a condensed version. Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were: 1. The invention of beer, and 2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals 2. Conservatives. Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided. Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and s till provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing. Here ends today's lesson in world history....... It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.... |
Replies:
Posted By: Aemmer
Date Posted: December-20-2007 at 9:59pm
|
Ouch....
------------- 88 2001 |
Posted By: Tomski
Date Posted: December-21-2007 at 8:20am
|
I must be a liberal then, european - sort of and a lawyer, but not a personal injury lawyer.
However, in my defence (yes that is how it should be spelled) I want to point out that that stuff you call beer isn't, it's lager and lager is an evil invention - probably German in origin, but now popular among what we call chavs who use it in massive quantities as a mind altering drug before starting fights on weekends. Proper beer is only available in Britain, really only in England and then really only in the north of England. This is a link to a brewer that makes my favourite beer.http://www.jenningsbrewery.co.uk/ Apart from that I think you've got me! ------------- Easily Parted From Money |
Posted By: tullfooter
Date Posted: December-21-2007 at 11:19am
|
87BFN
Nice Job I'm surprised there isn't something about conservatives liking Big Blocks and the liberals going for the electric powered pontoon boats. Steve ------------- Play hard, life's not a trial run. '85 BFN '90 BFN White Lake, Michigan |
Posted By: reidp
Date Posted: December-21-2007 at 1:49pm
|
I've read that story before and find it funny, but I do believe we have quite a few Liberals on this Site, at least some still-in-the-closet ones.
I've got to go with Tomski on the beer thing. I went to England and Scotland a handfull of years back for a wedding, but really used the wedding as an excuse for the beer. However, the most depressing site I saw was in a number of the London bars where the young patrons were by far drinking none other than Buttwiper beer (aka Budweiser) when they had the some of the best brews in the world to choose from. I immediately left those establishments and sought out some local flair. How about the ales in Scotland though Tom, as I was in heaven? The wedding was in Roslin (sp) Chapel. The hand pumped cast-conditioned ales were often a little much for me, but everything else was superb. And to satisfy the young and possibly Western crowds, some bars offered Guiness "Cold" or "Chilled" or labeled something like that, touting it as much colder than the standard Euro temp stout. So I partook often, and need to go back. ------------- ReidP /diaries/details.asp?ID=231&yrstart=1971&yrend=1975 - 1973 Mustang |
Posted By: 87BFN owner
Date Posted: December-21-2007 at 2:18pm
|
I hope this topic didn't offend anyone, that wasn't my intent. I mearly found it to be a comical read so I posted it. I don't think I did offend any one, but just incase. ------------- |
Posted By: bkhallpass
Date Posted: December-21-2007 at 2:37pm
Just Quinner, but he's used to being called a girlie-man. BKH ------------- Livin' the Dream |
87BFN owner wrote:Posted By: Aemmer
Date Posted: December-22-2007 at 5:12pm
|
87BFN,
I guess all us liberals are just "new age sensitive guys"..... No offense taken... Enjoy the holiday. ------------- 88 2001 |
Posted By: 87BFN owner
Date Posted: December-22-2007 at 10:46pm
|
Aemmer
You and your family have a good holiday as well. ------------- |
Posted By: Aemmer
Date Posted: December-23-2007 at 12:07am
|
87BFN,
Actually I should have said Merry Christmas. Wouldn't a Right Winger be offended by the generalization of "happy holiday". I Know when I was listening to "Character assasination radio" (my term for right wing radio) the other day, they were going off on the phrase "happy holiday". Not my battle. I tend to be a one issue voter and thats protecting the enviroment (Dems seem to always be the lesser of the two evils on this, but I am not a Democrat). Now if I could only pull my Nautique to the boat launch with a Prius.... (my other boat is a canoe). Merry, Christmas, T ------------- 88 2001 |
Posted By: 87BFN owner
Date Posted: December-23-2007 at 1:48am
|
Aemmer
I have the same problem I am by no means a republican but I vote based on a couple issues myself. This may seem wrong to some of you, but you can not and you will not take my guns from me. I am by no means trying to start a debate this just the way I feel. Just remember we all have to stand for something or we will fall for anything. MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL. ------------- |
Posted By: Tomski
Date Posted: January-03-2008 at 9:25am
|
87 - no offence on my part.
Reid - you need to get back and try the real hand pulled stuff, it's got to be the way forward, as it is a living culture and therefore probiotic, but much more fun than those nasty yoghurt drinks! My wife lived in Edinburgh when she was training and Roslyn (sp) is an amazing church. Did you go prior to all the DaVinci code hoohaa? I understand that now you can't get near it for Dan Brown nerds. Still lots of other places to visit, Edinburgh is a fantastic city. ------------- Easily Parted From Money |
Posted By: BuffaloBFN
Date Posted: January-03-2008 at 10:03am
OUCH!!! How about 'character revealing radio'? And just why are the Dems so adamant about the 'Fairness Doctrine'? Why does talk radio upset hillary so much? Some say the truth hurts... I also have a few hot button issues when voting, but I do think the responsible voter will look at the bigger picture. When we all get sick of the way things are and of being steadily stripped of our rights, money, and individuality; the answer will be to stand up for the Fair Tax! This bill gives power to the people where our current tax code is just plain laughable. Does anyone remember Pelosi's 'first 100 days of congress'? The congress did such a great job of accomplishing nothing this year that many Americans won't receive their tax returns on time this year?!!? 11,000+ earmarks this year alone. We used to call it pork barrel spending...but earmark sounds so much nicer?!!?  ------------- http://correctcraftfan.com/diaries/details.asp?ID=2331&sort=&pagenum=12&yrstart=1986&yrend=1990" rel="nofollow - 1988 BFN-sold "It's a Livin' Thing...What a Terrible Thing to Lose" ELO |
Posted By: eric lavine
Date Posted: January-03-2008 at 10:21am
|
should we be getting use to saying Hillary? ------------- "the things you own will start to own you" |
Posted By: BuffaloBFN
Date Posted: January-03-2008 at 11:01am
I think most are starting to see through her. ...and I'd rather get used to saying 'ya mon' as that is my escape plan!  ------------- http://correctcraftfan.com/diaries/details.asp?ID=2331&sort=&pagenum=12&yrstart=1986&yrend=1990" rel="nofollow - 1988 BFN-sold "It's a Livin' Thing...What a Terrible Thing to Lose" ELO |
Posted By: Aemmer
Date Posted: January-05-2008 at 12:24am
|
"When we all get sick of the way things are and of being steadily stripped of our rights, money, and individuality; the answer will be to stand up for the Fair Tax!"
What happened to the national debt during the recent Bush era or even the Regan years. Uncontrolled spending. Must have been that darn Democrat controlled Congress. "No new Taxes" but spend uncontrollably and let our kids worry about it. The maintaining of personal rights over the the past few years debateable. Individuality: great as long as you conform to the right. Buffalo, anything I typed here is done in fun and by no means am I a Hillary supporter. ------------- 88 2001 |
Posted By: BuffaloBFN
Date Posted: January-05-2008 at 9:59am
Me too! ...and I'm as upset with the republicans as I am with the democrats. These people are supposed to be our trusted represenatives, but they're all about getting re-elected now instead of doing their job. Last year's congressional record screams of this!  ------------- http://correctcraftfan.com/diaries/details.asp?ID=2331&sort=&pagenum=12&yrstart=1986&yrend=1990" rel="nofollow - 1988 BFN-sold "It's a Livin' Thing...What a Terrible Thing to Lose" ELO |
Posted By: eric lavine
Date Posted: January-05-2008 at 11:12am
|
sorry, should we be saying Obama? were fckd...again
im having a hard time figuring out who will be in office next whether you are a demmy or repuby, is there a lesser of 2 evils? ------------- "the things you own will start to own you" |
Posted By: BuffaloBFN
Date Posted: January-05-2008 at 11:49am
That's a darn good question these days...profound even. Maybe it's the "lesser of two weevils"?!!? (from master and commander) ------------- http://correctcraftfan.com/diaries/details.asp?ID=2331&sort=&pagenum=12&yrstart=1986&yrend=1990" rel="nofollow - 1988 BFN-sold "It's a Livin' Thing...What a Terrible Thing to Lose" ELO |
Posted By: backfoot100
Date Posted: January-07-2008 at 11:41am
|
ROFL!!! In the srevice we had a term for this.
BOHICA Bend Over Here It Comes Again ------------- When people run down to the lake to see what's making that noise, you've succeeded. Eddie |