today’s history lesson

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   History

  For those that don't know about history...... here is a condensed 

version.

  Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic

hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the 

summer and

would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

    The two most important events in all of history were:

    1. The invention of beer, and

     2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to 

the

beer.

     These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were 

the

catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

    1. Liberals

    2. Conservatives.

     Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the 

beginning

of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented 

yet,

so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be

invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages 

were

formed.

     Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at 

night

while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known 

as

the Conservative movement.

     Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to 

live

off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing 

the

sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the 

Liberal

movement.

     Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest 

became

known as girlie-men.

     Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of 

cats,

the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of 

Democratic

voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives

provided.

     Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, 

most

powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by 

the

jackass.

     Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most 

prefer

white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their 

beef

well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. 

Another

interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher

testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal 

injury

attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are

liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it 

wasn't

fair to make the pitcher also bat.

     Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and s till 

provide

for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,

lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police

officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone 

who

works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other 

conservatives

who want to work for a living.

     Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the 

producers

and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans 

are

more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals 

remained

in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in 

after

the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more 

for

nothing.

    Here ends today's lesson in world history.......

     It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to 

angrily

respond to the above before forwarding it.

     A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the 

absolute

truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other 

true

believers and to more liberals just

    to piss them off....

today’s history lesson

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