redneck holiday diet

The Purina Diet
>
> I was in Wal-Mart buying a bag of Purina for Sasha (our miniature white
> poodle) and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a
> dog?........ Duh!
>
> I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting
> the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up
> in the hospital last time. But, that I'd lost 50 pounds before I
> awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of
> my orifices and IV's in both arms.
>
> Her eyes about bugged out of her head.
>
> I went on and on with the diet story and she was totally buying it.
> I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works
> is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or
> two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally
> complete so I was going to try it again.
>
> I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
> enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.
>
> Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and
> was that why I ended up in the hospital? I said no.....I'd been sitting
> in the street licking my butt when a car hit me. I thought the tall guy
> was going to have to be carried out the door.
>
>

That story reminds me of the one where the two drunk guys see a dog on the sidewalk licking his b@lls.One man says to the other "I wish I could do that",the other says "If you pat him first,he might let you"

    Mike