Oil change

Prices outdated, but you get the   idea.......

     
     Oil Change instructions for Women:
     
     1. Pull up to GM Dealership when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change.
     
     2. Drink a cup of coffee.
     
     3. 15 minutes later, scan debit card and leave, driving a properly maintained vehicle.
     
     Money spent:
     
     Oil Change:$24.00
     
     Coffee: Complimentary
     
     TOTAL: $24.00
     
     
     
     Oil Change instructions for Men:
     
     1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree,and use your debit card for $50.00.
     
     2. Stop by Beer Store and buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home
     
     3. Open a beer and drink it.
     
     4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
     
     5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
     
     6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
     
     7. Place drain pan under engine.
     
     8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
     
     9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
     
     10. Unscrew drain plug.
     
     11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
     
     12. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
     
     13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.
     
     14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
     
     15. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off..
     
     16. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
     
     17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
     
     18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
     
     19. Remember drain plug from step 11.
     
     20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
     
     21. Drink beer.
     
     22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
     
     23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
     
     24. Crawl under truck getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
     
     25. Begin cussing fit.
     
     26. Throw stupid crescent wrench.
     
     27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit truck and left dent.
     
     28. Beer.
     
     29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
     
     30. Beer.
     
     31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
     
     32. Beer.
     
     33. Lower truck from jack stands.
     
     34. Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missteps.
     
     35. Beer.
     
     36. Test drive truck.
     
     37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
     
     38. Truck gets impounded.
     
     39. Call loving wife, make bail.
     
     40. 12 hours later, get truck from impound yard.
                                     
     
     Money spent:
     
     Parts: $50.00
     
     DUI: $2,500.00
     
     Impound fee: $75.00
     
     Bail: $1,500.00
     
     Beer: $24.00
     
     TOTAL: $4,149.00
     
     But you know the job was done right!
                                     
     
     SEND THIS TO WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH...
     AND TO ANY MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT...
     

Bri892001 wrote: My local Jeep Dealer was selling a package of 3 oil changes and two tire rotations for $75. Free coffee, TV, wireless, a whole cafe thing now, basically like a hotel lobby. Too good to pass up.

Except when you go to change your oil yourself next time and find out they filled you 2 quarts shy with the wrong grade oil, had Konan the Barbarian install the filter, and in order go get the cross threaded drain plug tightened up, they used an impact wrench set to 200 ft-lbs! Oh, and btw, they cross threaded and overtightened your lug nuts too!

I HATE working on cars that have been previously worked on at the dealer or quick-change oil places... simple tasks turn into huge headaches! Im convinced that they offer free coffee and other niceties in order to keep you from watching what theyre doing to your car. If and when I ever take my car in for any kind of inspection or service, I never take my eyes off it.

TRBenj wrote: Oh, and btw, they cross threaded and overtightened your lug nuts too!

I was 16 when my mother asked me to run her Chrysler station wagen over to the gas station for a tire rotation. They put the "kid" at the station on the job. He starts on the left hand side and I go grab something to read. I hear the impact wrench going forever, I check and he's still on the left side. I asked him what was going on and was told the lug nuts were frozen. I walked over to the car, bent down and showed him the letter "L" on the end of the lug. The car wasn't finished till the next day when the real mechanic came in, pressed all the lug studs out of the drums and pressed new ones in!!

How long ago did Chrysler get rid of the LH threads on the left side of their cars?

plus you get beer instead of coffee.

there is a castrol by my work that I can get an oil change with a coupon for 12.99. Cant beat that, also they are the ones who do it so if they screw it up, they will be fighting off not me.

I almost hurt myself reading that list...good laugh!